Doing it all wrong.

in

Last Monday, I (Wendy) was given the gift of a spectacularly bad day.   It wasn't a crisis or a catastrophe, it was just a really, bad day.  So bad - this is the gift - that it forced me to stop. Because when everything you touch gets worse, and every conversation goes wrong, and you physically feel bad and emotionally feel bad, you have to conclude:  "I must be doing this all wrong."  And you punt. At least I do.  At 3pm, I packed it in.  That was probably the first thing I did right all day. 

I took some time to reflect on how I got to this bad day.  In my experience, spectacularly bad days are not a fluke, but the culmination of many, small missteps, that individually can be ignored, but when combined during a single, 24-hour period cannot.  Without fail, these small missteps are my own - not someone else's, not the universe playing tricks.  At the root of my bad days is none other than me. 

So how did I get to Monday?  A few things jump out:

  • I was sleep deprived.  I'm not sure if it was the altitude (who knew?) or a new place or what, but a full night's sleep was not in the cards for me for two weeks.  (I do not function well on less than 7 hrs sleep.)  I did not take naps, or take it easy....I tried to pretend that I was well-rested.  I drank a lot of coffee.
  • I was starting my days off poorly.  I learned during a meditation class, offered graciously by a former employer, that the best way to start my day was just sitting.  No devices, no list making, no reading, just staring out the window.  I abandoned this learning and was headlong into electronics, writing and planning out my day, first thing. Although I was doing yoga every day, and lots of outside activity, it didn't matter.  Because, I was stating off in the wrong direction. 
  • I was doing too much.   In our new lifestyle, we are making all the rules. There are no timeframes for work or weekends. Yet, I am still behaving a bit like there are.  The idea that we need to pack it all in or we'll miss out has been very present during the last two weeks.  
  • I was trying to force things to conform to my expectations.  Rufus’ boots are an excellent example.  We bought her boots to protect her paws from the bounty of sharp things that are seemingly everywhere.  In truth, I also bought them because my expectations did not account for me driving for 30 -40 minutes a day to take Rufus to places where she could walk more easily.  In the end, she hated the boots and kept falling when wearing them.  So, I’ve adjusted my expectations to my reality.  I drive more than I’d like and I check her paws all the time. 

For the rest of the week, I tried to put this learning into practice.  I did well on Tuesday. 

On Wednesday, I proved I cannot be trusted to act in my own best interest! Lacking the patience to just stand there doing nothing while the coffee brewed, I made the wildly, ill-informed choice to watch this - because it was the first thing I saw when I turned on my Ipad. Musical sketch comedy has its place, but, at least for me, that place is not in my head at 5:30am.

I've gotten better following my advice each day.  Demonstrating that, thankfully (!), being a "work in progress" does include some progress.